Spirited Children

My website is primarily about energy healing and Reiki. However, I would also like to tell people more about spirited, indigo and crystal children. I feel I need to give those children as much support as I can and educate parents, teachers and in general adults about those wonderful children, who don’t always find it easy to fit into our world.

“The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is more. They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children. All children possess these characteristics, but spirited children possess them with a depth and range not available to other children.” Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Raising your spirited child

You might wonder why I am writing about spirited children. Well, I believe there is a connection between what Mary Sheedy Kurcinka terms as “spirited children” and the newer generation of “indigo children”. Reading Mary’s book felt like reading a book written about my son.

I am blessed with a spirited child. I admit the first couple of years were not easy. It was a rather challenging time and I was always wondering why my child was different –  why he was more of everything compared to my friends’ kids.

It started from day one in hospital. Had I known then, what I know now and had I been able to use Reiki then – the first couple of years would have been much easier.

I came across the term “spirited child” for the first time in Tracy Hogg’s book “the baby whisperer”. There was no doubt it had helped to read that book. One of the main things I learnt from the baby whisperer was that spirited children get very easily overstimulated and they need routine even more than other babies (and she does not believe in controlled crying!). Even when my son was 2 or 3 weeks old he was refusing or struggling to fall asleep. He just wouldn’t close his eyes. He always wanted to know what was going on around him, always worried he’d miss something. That hasn’t really changed and he is almost 6 now. If you miss that critical point of when to let them nap and if they are overstimulated you are in for a really tough time. People (even family) often didn’t understand why we were so strict with my son’s routine – and that’s something that is very important for a spirited child . Well, our son just was not that easy going child that would fall asleep anywhere. He needed his routine and he needed his familiar environment – or we’d have a screaming baby for an hour. I might add that from day one I thought he’d be an opera singer as his lungs were so strong and his screams were so loud (still are!). Even though we stuck to his routine during the day he would need at least  an hour in the evening to unwind before he could fall asleep. That hasn’t really changed. He still needs quite a long time in the evening to unwind before he can fall asleep. His brain is constantly working and processing.

There was no point on going on holidays  - he would sleep even less as it was not his familiar environment.

I always worried about him starting nursery/kindergarten. I always thought the teachers would have their hand’s full. His first teacher was fantastic and my son settled in rather quickly and was happy.  Things didn’t go so well with his second teacher. That’s when I came across Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s book: Raising your spirited child. At the time it was a life saver. The new teacher was not experienced and had to deal with too many kids in a rather small class room. For my son the new environment was just too much. When we moved him to a new kindergarten he was a completely different child again. Since then we have had no issues. He has developed into a rather well-mannered, inquisitive, caring, bright and wonderful boy. That does not mean that he does not challenge his parents quite regularly :) but that’s part of life and his temperament!

What is particularly interesting in Mary’s book is that she asks parents to describe their kids. Often a lot of negative words pop up first. What she then asks parents to do is to try and use positive words to describe the child’s strength. For example:

  • Old negative labels                               New exciting labels
  • Unpredictable                                      flexible, a creative problem solver
  • Nosy                                                        curious
  • Inflexible                                                traditional
  • loud                                                         energetic and zestful
  • demanding                                             holds high standards
  • and many more

That comparison was a real eye-opener. Once I was able to see the true potential that my son had I found it much easier to deal with the difficult times.

Through Mary’s book I was also able to understand my son’s  behaviour better, for example: Why he got upset about things that we didn’t consider a big deal. Well, for him it was a big deal. He had expectations and if suddenly and unexpectedly those expectations weren’t fulfilled than he had a major meltdown.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka also gives the opportunity in the book to find out into which category the parent falls.  It came as a shock to me that I fell into the category “spirited”. My husband acknowledged that my son and I had a lot in common. I had never seen it before. All of a sudden I could relate even more to my son’s temperament. I now often say: he is my mirror. Because he is so sensitive he immediately knows when I am out of balance.

If you are a parent with a baby and reading this page – then I can highly recommend Tracy Hogg’s “Baby whisperer”  http://www.babywhispererforums.com/

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For all older children please read Mary Sheedy’ Kurcinka’s: Raising your spirited child or visit her website http://www.parentchildhelp.com/

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